"The Hope of God's Light"

"I realize that it is part of our condition as mortals to sometimes feel as though we are surrounded by darkness. But even though we may feel lost that God promises to illuminate the way before us no matter how long it takes."

I was suicidal for an intensely long and painful year and a half. During this hell I fought like a lion to hold onto the thin thread of hope that my life would NOT always be like that. Also, during that time I receive proper medical attention and therapy. Eventually I decided that I was done thinking those thoughts, I refused to continue to entertain them and allow them to be a part of my life <-----which I was ONLY enabled to do so because of the medical help I received from qualified health professionals. I believe that God helps those who help themselves; He blessed my doctors and therapists with inspiration in knowing which course to take to best help me; He blessed me with the support of my family and extended family; He blessed me with a husband who rode valiantly through the storm with me even though it caused pain, worry and fears; He enabled me with the strength I needed to learn how to manage my illness and fight against the depression rather than letting the disease take over and rule my life.

I received the help I needed and therefore I made a subconscious decision that I was done thinking and entertaining those suicidal thoughts. I refuse to leave that legacy for my children. I choose instead to leave them a legacy of faith, of a mom who fights like a warrior against this disease until I hear those words when I meet my Maker, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant. Enter into My Kingdom. You are finally free at last!" I choose to live a long life. I choose to live into my 90's, God willing, and love my age and serve HIM with all my heart, mind, and soul.

If you are suicidal, don't try and handle this burden all on your own. Get medical help immediately. Tell someone, anyone. Tell a trusted friend or family member. There are support groups out there. You are not alone and never need to feel that way. Go to Nami.org and find a support group in your area.