The HOPE of God's Light

 I know that by following this counsel my prayers will be more meaningful and I will feel even closer to my Father in Heaven.

Lift up your soul in prayer and explain to your Heavenly Father what you are feeling. Acknowledge your shortcomings. Pour out your heart and express your gratitude. Let Him know of the trials you are facing. Plead with Him in Christ's name for strength and support. Ask that your ears may be opened, that you may hear His voice."

—Dieter F. Uchtdorf, [read the whole article by clicking on the following link] "The Hope of God's Light"
Topics: Prayer, Trials

You Are Capable!

"If we did all we were

capable

of doing, we would

literally astound ourselves."

-Thomas Edison, inventor

I was listening to the radio last night and the lyrics of a song said that no matter what she did or how hard she tried she couldn't change. That's a lie. Satan uses this deception to get us to give up, to STOP trying. There is always hope. Satan will try to make you think that there's no use trying...he wants you to feel despair and laughs when you do. Don't let him win. 

I KNOW that God doesn't want us to despair and give up. I know that He will see you through any obstacle or trial...all you have to do is turn towards Him through obedience, faith, and trust.

NEVER NEVER NEVER give up.

"Our God Will Never Us Forsake"

I was reading in the Ensign this morning and read an article entitled, "Our God Will Never Us Forsake." Below is a quote from it. You can go here to read the full article.

 "Trials come to each of us.
Living righteously does not mean that our lives will be free of problems or sorrow, but no matter what hardships we face, 

we can always rely on Heavenly Father and His Son. 

They will not forsake us, and 
           
                 They will give each of us the strength 
                 
                                      to face whatever may come, 
             
                                               so that in the end we can truly say, 

                                                                                     'All is well!'"

Pioneer Day

In my church we celebrate the day the Mormon pioneers arrived in the Salt Lake Valley on July 24, 1847. They came to Utah to escape persecutions...they fled after: homes and livestock were burned and destroyed, family members shot and killed or who died from exposure to the weather while fleeing angry mobs, an unfortunate and shocking "extermination order" from Missouri governor Boggs and after our beloved prophet Joseph Smith was martyred in a jail in Carthage, Illinois.

When they finally arrived in Utah the pioneers planted crops, family gardens, and trees and the desert waste place of Utah flourished and became beautiful. They also developed friendly relationships with the local Indians.

One of my ancestors was in the Willie Hancart Company that faced great difficulties because of the weather and lack of sufficent food and clothing. My grandma is my hero. She left her family and a young man who was interested in her but who didn't join The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. She was 24 and considered an old maid but her bravery in starting a journey across the Atlantic Ocean without the support of a family is commendable and admirable. It was her belief in Jesus Christ and her new found faith that drove her forward. 

Because of many miracles along the way her life was spared and she met another Englishman when she arrived in Utah who she later married and raised 14 children with. A few years ago a movie was made based on true stories from the experiences of pioneers in the Martin and Willie Hancart company. Here is the trailer from that movie called "17 Miracles."

Meet Al Fox

In Al's blog post about her conversion to the gospel of Jesus Christ I love how she says to, "Keep going always." Her story is about not giving up and to keep going forward because as she said, "...the moment you stop- the moment you take a break, even a short one- that is when fear- and doubt- and anxiety- and temptation start to creep in."

My favorite quote in the video?

When she said, "Forget not whose hands your are in...to forget not that you have a God, you have a god and He is yours, yours to keep, yours to turn to always, and the power behind that when you remember that, because God, how powerful, He has all the power and if He is for you, if He is yours, you can overcome and conquer everything. And it is so easy to lose sight of that. It's so easy to lose sight of that love that's real, for us...to lose sight that He will do everything to allow us to return home. That was part of His plan the whole time is to return to Him...

Hard times will consistently be there, 

                                                    

BUT 

                                                           

SO WILL CHRIST."

I really needed to hear this today. I love things that are uplifting and positive.

Green Smoothie Night was a BIG Success!!! And Lou Lou had a great weekend.

YEAH! I think I heard my volunteer "waitresses" who helped pour the different smoothies into cups count 43 every time. My good friend was such a big help in the kitchen and it was thanks to her that everything went smoothly. She was awesome in knowing what ingredient I needed next and would prep it and set it next to the blender. Thank you!

People asked a lot of questions, we laughed, I was gentle in the amount of greens I added, I taught them a lot about nutrition and they surprisingly enjoyed the recipes (surprising to them, not me, lol)!

It turned out to be a fun girls night and a good way for the Relief Society sisters in my stake to get to know each other.

I chose to trust that people would come and refused to take counsel from my fears that no one would show up. (:

 Life is so much better when we choose to trust.

I'm going to experiment. I will drink three green smoothies this week and choose to eat "healthified" treats and see if it makes a difference with how I feel emotionally and mentally. I already know that eating "crud," also known as sugary or highly processed foods that my body craves when I am depressed, actually makes my depression worse.

***My daughter had a lot of fun spending time with her cousin this weekend. We spent a night at my parents house and on the couple of hours ride back Lou Lou and my nephew laughed the whole way. They were being goofy and it made me happy to see her laugh and have fun. My hubbie and I both agreed that this was the best car ride ever. No fighting. Everyone got along. I LOVED IT! Thank you, nephew!

Why I am Here

"The Majesty of Motherhood- What I Would Tell Myself"

I would tell myself:

"It's not your fault Mimi has/had memory "hiccops". Your body carried her full term during a difficult and high risk pregnancy. Good job, Amber. You bravely fought to have her and to bring her here on this earth.


You taught her how to walk and talk, you can teach her the ABC's, #'s, and how to read, write, add and subtract.


It's not your fault you can't have more kids.


Let go of guilt, it's not healthy.


Give your oldest daughter CHOICES and she will choose the right.


Trust her. She is a VERY valiant spirit.

Fear Challenge: Post my picture on my Blog...

Oh dear.
This is such a huge step for me because it is so easy to want to hide this disease 
from those who I know and associate with.
There are so many myths about mental illness.
Part of that comes from Hollywood and part comes from ignorance.

A LOT of FEAR and some thoughts of anxiety are racing through my head...

Will I be judged?
Will my friends stop trusting me?
Will they stop being my friends because of something their brother's uncle's mother's daughter-in-law's next door neighbor who "is" also bipolar did? (:
Will this affect my kids and how they are treated? (I certainly hope not because there is a mother bear in me who wants to shield my "cubs" from hurt and teasing. Plus, I don't see what my disease has anything to do with them and how they should be and deserve to be treated).

Years ago I lost a close friend when I told her about my disease and that really hurt. Another person my Mr. and I invited into our home told me how horrible bipolar people are because of something someone else did. As she was ranting, my husband gave me one of those looks that said, "Should we tell her what you have?" I slightly shook my head that said, "No." Looking back I really missed out on a great opportunity to prove to her that not all people who have a mental illness are like that or behave that way. I know that I have some hurt that I need to let go of. I know I need to trust people, be confident, & not allow others' opinions dictate how I feel about myself.

It is amazing to me when I look back a couple of posts that I had blogged about not taking counsel from my fears. So without further ado, here's a picture I took of myself today. My first name is Amber.

Aren't I cute?

I certainly think so!

See, I'm normal looking, but my husband thinks I'm quite hot.

**Oh, it was so hard to hit that PUBLISH button.

Letters from Home

A few weeks ago I wrote a letter addressing it to my Heavenly Father.
I told Him everything. I was seeking guidance on whether on not I should sign up for this mentoring program
or if it would be too much for me to handle.
I wrote about my fears,worries & my hopes.
I listed 6 things that I "am" willing to put on hold so that I could create the necessary time and space in my life for this program. 
I am making room for success.
There are changes that I need to make in my life and WANT to make in my life.
One year from now I do NOT want to be in the same place I am now. 
I do not want my cycles of depression to last 2 1/2 months at a time.
I want to know what my triggers are for depression and have the tools I need to avoid them.
I already know what triggers my anxiety and I am careful and wise in avoiding the ones I have control over.


I then addressed a letter to myself from my Father and carefully listened to the Spirit to know what to write.
OH, MY.
What a powerful experience.
I cried and felt so loved. The Spirit was so strong.

I felt that I should share a little bit from that letter:

"I know this bipolar illness has been very challenging for you. It pains and saddens me to see you depressed or struggling with feelings of despair or hopelessness. I want to see you healed. I want you to feel loved despite the depression. I want you to TRUST me, relying on me to help inspire, comfort, & uplift you during those times. You are so strong. I want you to believe it. I want you to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that YOU ARE STRONG. You were a strong warrior in the preexistence during the war in Heaven. You were unwavering, strong and steadfast. You were a great help to many thousands of people. Your influence was GREAT. You are a very choice spirit. Because of the battle skills you have and demonstrated against Satan and the powers of darkness I knew and trusted that you would be brave in facing the lonely darkness of depression. I needed you to go through this trial of depression so that you would know how to succor those of my precious children who are downtrodden. Your influence will be great. You will be able to help lift many thousands of people who suffer as you have suffered. I need you to be able to be there for them. I love you. Keep fighting, be undaunted, trust ME, put your trust in ME and I will lead, guide, comfort and help you in your journey towards healing. You are a choice spirit. I love you and need your help and leadership to rescue others.
-----------------------------------
Just typing this made me cry.

 I strongly encourage my readers to try this experience. 

Write a letter to God and then carefully listen to what comes into your mind and heart and write it down. You will feel His love.
You will be amazed as you learn things about yourself that you didn't know or have forgotten.

Depression is a battle that can be won and I am fiercely determined to do it.

Knick knack

Not long after I blogged on 

April 10th

my hubbie and I were on a date

and we went shopping at 

the cutest old mercantile store.

They sell some gifts & 

a bunch of old-fashioned candy.

I saw this magnet  there that grabbed my attention

 and I just had to buy it.

It reads, 

HOPE

...each sunrise

gives hope

to your dreams

& light

for your way.

There are no such thing as coincidences. 

I know that my Father wants me to focus on Hope, 

which is to TRUST in His promises.

HOPE is Trusting in the Lord's Promises

I love watching Mormon Times on ksl.com

You can go here to watch full episodes. 

They post a new episode every Sunday.

I watched an episode yesterday about hope.

Gerald Lund quoted President Deiter F Urchtdorf who said that 

HOPE

is choosing to 

TRUST

 in the Lord's promises.

Some examples of the Lord's promised blessings  that were mentioned are:

Forgiveness: Our mistakes need not condemn us

Protection

Premonition

Guidance

JOY

Happiness

Promise of Divine Revelation

Families can be Forever

Priesthood: has the power to HEAL, Bless, Instruct & Direct

and many more.

It's common for those struggling with depression 

to have a hard time

feeling the Spirit. 

In turn, it becomes easy to feel

like Heavenly Father isn't listening 

to my prayers & 

that you are all alone.

BUT,

like Gerald Lund said,

"The more we FOCUS on those

promises 

the more HOPE we have 

& out of that comes that STRENGTH,

that FAITH that 'I can endure this,'

AND if I DO,

then my promises are sure."

Push Past Your Fears

To not take counsel from our fears means that faith in the Lord Jesus Christ overrules our fears and that we can press forward with a steadfastness in Him. To not take counsel from our fears means that we trust in God's guidance, assurance, and timing in our lives."

—David A. Bednar, "Christ Overrules Our Fears"
Topics: Fear, Faith

This is very applicable to my life right now.

My hubbie  & I have decided to 

take a huge leap of faith

with regards to how 

he provides for our family.

Surprisingly, I have been 

very much at peace, 

which is huge for me. 

Normally, change is a trigger 

for my depression. 

I feel that my hubbie & I are 

pushing past any fears

& we're definitely NOT 

taking any "counsel" from them...

also known as 

letting your fears stop you 

from obtaining your dreams .

—Alma 36:3-4, Book of Mormon


"And now, O my son Helaman, behold, thou art in thy youth, and therefore, I beseech of thee that thou wilt hear my words and learn of me; for I do know that

whosoever shall put their TRUST in GOD 

shall be SUPPORTED

in their trials,
and their troubles,
and their afflictions,
and shall be lifted up at the last day.

And I would not that ye think that I know of myself--not of the temporal but of the spiritual, not of the carnal mind but of God."

Trust HIM

and I will feel supported

in ALL my trials,

troubles,

and afflictions.