Turning AWAY from Bad Habits

"Do you find yourself hating what you are doing but not able to find the willpower to turn away from it? Then reach out and humble yourself. The Lord's enabling power is sufficient to change your heart, to turn your life, to purge your soul. But you must make the first move, which is to humble yourself and realize that only in God can you find deliverance."

—M. Russell Ballard, "Be Strong in the Lord"
Topics: Humility, Repentance

Sometimes that "hating what you are doing" is actually "hating yourself" and even the bad habits you turn to when you are depressed. I've already blogged about what my depressive habits are and you can read about those in this blog post ). When you are depressed it is hard to be "able to find the willpower to turn away from [whatever it is that you find yourself hating what you are doing]."

It may be hard, but the only way to receive help is through God's divine help. He will empower you to overcome anything. 

You will receive the ability 
                                              
                                         and power through HIM who 

                                                                                 is mighty to save.

The Sun is Still Shining!

The sun is still shining even when it's overcast and grey. I love the majesty and beauty of the sun's rays peeking through the clouds. It's like hope that peeks through the storms of depression. I've been borrowing my father-in-law's UV lamp that I affectionately call the happy lamp. It's been overcast, grey & dismal weather lately and I was willing to settle for some needed artificial sunshine!

A brief glimpse of the sun this afternoon!

What I've Done over the Past 5 Months to Drastically Improve how I Feel

There was an interesting article posted on Facebook that talked about sleep aids, over the counter and prescription and their long and short term affects. Since I am not a medical profession, it would be best & wise if you talked to your doctor ALWAYS, no matter what you hear or read. I am very med compliant and always will be. 

I do like both conventional and natural medicine but found it interesting to read how some over the counter medications affect our bodies in the long term. That's why if I can I will take or do something that is more natural. Talk to a health care professional before you try anything. I am not your doctor. (: I can only write my OPINION on what helps me (i.e. doTERRA oils and nutrition). Some nights I do have a hard time falling asleep and that is why my favorite oil is Serenity & probably always will be! (If you become a doTERRA member, the oils are A LOT cheaper and you get loyalty reward points back that you can use for free products).

Here's a quote from that article I mentioned,



"You’re far better of finding safe and natural solutions that will actually address the underlying causes of your sleepless nights instead of just cover up the resulting symptoms."

-Boby Truther (interesting last name, Boby, lol)

I liked how he made suggestion to find the root cause of a sleep problem. You can read the full article in it's entirety here

Another reason why I like essential oils? I still have symptoms of depression and anxiety, they're just more manageable and less intense because of the medications I take. (By the way, I'll never write down medication names, which ones worked and which ones didn't. I don't think that would be right. Everyone's DNA is so unique that what didn't work for me works miracles with the next person.) 

At the BRIDGES Teacher training I found that a feeling of being "choked" is a symptom of an panic attack. I experience this off and on but didn't know it was an anxiety attack. Someone in our group asked me what I do when I feel that way and I asked, "Honestly? I use this doTERRA oil called SERENITY and just rub some directly on my throat. It calms things down and the feeling goes away."

So...if I find something that has helped me combat my depression and anxiety then yes, I will share what I know. About six months ago I was miserable and thought that this was as good as my life was going to get. I was tired of being depressed for 2 1/2 months at a time and then having a good week and slipping back into depression. Most people didn't know I was depressed. Apparently I looked fine on the outside! Or...I hid it well and didn't talk about it. So what has changed since then to help turn things around? (my meds have stayed the same for years, which is a blessing)


-Learning more about Nutrition & I'm eating healthier.

-Using doTerra oils regularly (several help with anxiety and/or depression). I do sell doTERRA from my website, but I actually like an oil that a company called Young Living sells. It's an oil blend called JOY and I like it better than the doTERRA equivalent. I don't sell for them or have an account but I like the oil JOY so much that I patronize the company just for that one oil.

-My awesome and amazing mentor/coach & my mentoring group who I have learned so much from (They're amazing cheerleaders!). My mentor has helped me with my blog and has helped me overcome negative thought patterns that were holding me back and keeping me stuck.

-My Faith. I'm spending A LOT more time in my scriptures, listening to uplifting music, listening to the Mormon Channel, writing positive things about myself in my journal (helps you to learn to truly love and accept yourself), praying and spending more time that I ever have truly listening for answers.

-Exercise! I have biked & hiked this week. And I have gone up and down a ladder today picking apples!  <---I consider that exercise! I'm a little worn out and I'm still not done several hours into it! Thanks to the neighbor who gave me permission to have the (organic!) apples which were just going to go to waste. Tomorrow's agenda, canning...

-Service. Through thinking of others and finding ways to serve them my life has been tremendously blessed. This is the KEY to true happiness. Like President Hinckley's father said, "Forget yourself and get to work."

Depression and Sugar Cravings: My Story Part 2

Our brains sole purpose is to keep us alive...to survive. When our bodies are depressed our brain will actually crave sugar to give us a "boost" because it doesn't like being depressed. This is also why we crave "comfort" foods because those are usually high in carbohydrates which rapidly turns into sugar in your body.

I love this blog called Whole Food Mommies. Here is an really good article they wrote on sugar and the negative effects on our bodies.

SUGAR: The Ultimate Addiction

This is why I like making recipes from Simple Healthy Tasty's blog because she uses sucanat (a less refined sugar), honey, agave and real maple syrup. These sweeteners have less of an affect on my mood than the highly processed white table sugar or high fructose corn syrup. I don't use artificial sweeteners because really they are just chemicals developed in a research lab, no thank you! 

I find that with Simple Healthy Tasty recipes I am fine eating just one cookie or having one treat and I don't feel like eating the whole batch if you know what I mean. Her dessert recipes are healthified and yet they are still yummy! I've made Tammy's (the author of SimpleHealthyTasty's blog) taffy that only uses honey and I loved it and so did my family!

Here's her recipe for the honey taffy http://www.simplehealthytasty.com/2010/12/honey-taffy_17.html

How to Break Depression Cycles: Empty your Bucket

I once had it explained to me that everyone has an empty bucket per say that fills up with different stressors throughout the day. For those with a mental illness like bipolar we wake up in the morning with our buckets half full already. We physically, emotionally and spiritually need to be watchful of the stressors we face so we don't trigger anxiety or depression. So how do I empty my bucket so that I feel balanced in my life?

Blogging definitely helps.

Writing down old emotions gets them out of my head so I don't constantly dwell on them and become depressed.

Depression feeds on negativity and grows exponentially.

There is a strong temptation to mask how I am feeling (through excessive amounts of TV & reading) when I am depressed. I think this may be the reason why so many of those who suffer from a mental illness also suffer from addictions to drugs and other things.

I also hide.

In the past I have usually hid from the emotion and isolated myself from other people.

So...here's what I learned this past weekend:

1. Empty your bucket through writing.

2. Purge: Allow yourself to feel the emotion, no more avoiding or hiding from it.

3. Refiner's Fire & Fuller's Soap: these words are used in the Bible to describe the Lord's ability to purify. He makes possible for me to be able clean up old emotions and feelings. So I repent and forgive when necessary or simply let go of the old "stuff." After writing my daughter Mimi likes to shred her paper. I like to burn mine (my refiners fire).

These three steps are how I like to 

                                          Break Free


                                                      from the cycles of depression

                                                                                                  and HEAL.

4 Day Mommy Vacation...It's been so awesome so far!

For the past two days I have been mentored at a seminar at the Salt Palace in Utah on how to better share my message of hope with others by changing how and what I think and on how I can heal from depression. Moms need to invest time in themselves so they can better serve their families. So I have loved this "mommy break" and I got to spend some time at the temple on Wednesday where I recharged my spiritual "batteries." And I also did some shopping! (:

I've said before that depression is part physiological and part "thinking disease." I'm excited that I am investing time into studying how I can change the way that I think. Tomorrow I hope to glean some more ideas on how to better share my message. I've come to learn that I allow way to much "crud" into my life and it's time to remove negative thinking and emotions. I will share what I learn!

I reread an old post about the symptoms of depression and was a little shocked. I have been trying to figure out what my triggers are for depression. As I read the list of symptoms I realized that some of the symptoms ARE triggers.

So my depression symptoms feed my depression and I get stuck in this horrible cycle.

But, I've learned some tools on how to

                                                              Break Free.

I'll blog what those tools are in my next post.
          

Green Smoothie Night was a BIG Success!!! And Lou Lou had a great weekend.

YEAH! I think I heard my volunteer "waitresses" who helped pour the different smoothies into cups count 43 every time. My good friend was such a big help in the kitchen and it was thanks to her that everything went smoothly. She was awesome in knowing what ingredient I needed next and would prep it and set it next to the blender. Thank you!

People asked a lot of questions, we laughed, I was gentle in the amount of greens I added, I taught them a lot about nutrition and they surprisingly enjoyed the recipes (surprising to them, not me, lol)!

It turned out to be a fun girls night and a good way for the Relief Society sisters in my stake to get to know each other.

I chose to trust that people would come and refused to take counsel from my fears that no one would show up. (:

 Life is so much better when we choose to trust.

I'm going to experiment. I will drink three green smoothies this week and choose to eat "healthified" treats and see if it makes a difference with how I feel emotionally and mentally. I already know that eating "crud," also known as sugary or highly processed foods that my body craves when I am depressed, actually makes my depression worse.

***My daughter had a lot of fun spending time with her cousin this weekend. We spent a night at my parents house and on the couple of hours ride back Lou Lou and my nephew laughed the whole way. They were being goofy and it made me happy to see her laugh and have fun. My hubbie and I both agreed that this was the best car ride ever. No fighting. Everyone got along. I LOVED IT! Thank you, nephew!

Symptoms of Depression

This is a good "quote" from the National Alliance on Mental Illness website for the symptoms of depression.

http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=By_Illness&Template=/TaggedPage/TaggedPageDisplay.cfm&TPLID=54&ContentID=23037

What are the symptoms of depression?

Depression is the other phase of bipolar disorder. The symptoms of depression may include:

• loss of energy
• prolonged sadness
• decreased activity and energy
• restlessness and irritability
• inability to concentrate or make decisions
• increased feelings of worry and anxiety
• less interest or participation in, and less enjoyment of activities normally enjoyed
• feelings of guilt and hopelessness
• thoughts of suicide
• change in appetite (either eating more or eating less)
• change in sleep patterns (either sleeping more or sleeping less)

I share this quote to educate those who may not know or understand depression.

When I am depressed I don't necessarily experience ALL of these symptoms,

 but I do experience a good handful.

The degree or intensity of the symptoms varies.

Just because I take medication for my illness doesn't mean I don't get depressed.

It is BECAUSE I follow my doctor's orders

that the severity of my symptoms are lessened and I am better able to manage my illness.

Stabilizing the Boat & Overcoming Bad Habits

(I started this post on 2 Nov 2011 and published it 18 Jan 2012. I'm so used to writing rough drafts before my final "essay." (; And I haven't figured out how to change the date yet!)

A couple of months ago I kept track of how many days I was depressed and how many days where I wasn't. Two months of depression passed and then I had three good days where I felt happy and content. After those three days I slipped back into another cycle of depression.

I was shocked.
It surprised me to see how long the periods of my depression were. 

This pattern was pretty typical. While the medications that I was on helped pull me out of my first (and hopefully last) severe and deep depression, 
I still had some symptoms of depression. 
I thought that this was as good as it was going to get...
it wasn't the deep, deep depression that I had experienced years earlier and for that reason alone I was very grateful.

A few good days and then several days of not wanting to socialize, sleeping longer, and doing what I call "brain dead" activities such as the Internet, the t.v., reading books...things that for me numbed the pain of depression.  While none of these activities I participated in were bad, they became unhealthy coping skills because I did them in excess. I thought I was able to escape for a few moments but in reality I was making my depression worse.

I told myself that something finally needed to be done about this lingering depression so I called my psychiatrist, whom I'll call "Dr. L." My medications were adjusted and those days where I feel depressed have dramatically lessened. Thank heavens for modern medicine. (I am very grateful for the medications that have lessened the severity of the mood swings aka stabilizing my boat). I never knew nor did I expect that I could have this many good days in a row. I still have cycles of depression but they don't last as long.

I am very blessed.


***1 May 2013 I have since learned that medications actually helped stabilize the "boat" of my mental illness symptoms. I feel it is SO IMPORTANT to work together with my Psychiatrist AND THERAPIST. I think mental Illnesses are part "thinking" diseases, aside from the obvious physiological symptoms. Sometimes the way I think and feel about myself or my life is messed up and I need the guidance of a therapist to help straighten me out. (: It is so important to FIGHT against this disease, to seek help from health professionals, to manage your disease and not let it manage you. Everything on my blog is my own opinion and I am not a licensed medical provider. I can only share what I have learned from my own experiences. I made a subconscious decision that I didn't want to wallow in the severe depression anymore. It's very empowering to realize that I can actually fight against this disease because I have PROOF! I am not where I was 10 years ago. I want others who suffer from this horrible disease to 
realize
 that they too have the
 ability and power
 within themselves to fight against mental illness. 
You are empowered. 
You are stronger that you realize.