This is such a huge step for me because it is so easy to want to hide this disease
from those who I know and associate with.
There are so many myths about mental illness.
Part of that comes from Hollywood and part comes from ignorance.
A LOT of FEAR and some thoughts of anxiety are racing through my head...
Will I be judged?
Will my friends stop trusting me?
Will they stop being my friends because of something their brother's uncle's mother's daughter-in-law's next door neighbor who "is" also bipolar did? (:
Will this affect my kids and how they are treated? (I certainly hope not because there is a mother bear in me who wants to shield my "cubs" from hurt and teasing. Plus, I don't see what my disease has anything to do with them and how they should be and deserve to be treated).
Years ago I lost a close friend when I told her about my disease and that really hurt. Another person my Mr. and I invited into our home told me how horrible bipolar people are because of something someone else did. As she was ranting, my husband gave me one of those looks that said, "Should we tell her what you have?" I slightly shook my head that said, "No." Looking back I really missed out on a great opportunity to prove to her that not all people who have a mental illness are like that or behave that way. I know that I have some hurt that I need to let go of. I know I need to trust people, be confident, & not allow others' opinions dictate how I feel about myself.
It is amazing to me when I look back a couple of posts that I had blogged about not taking counsel from my fears. So without further ado, here's a picture I took of myself today. My first name is Amber.
Aren't I cute?
I certainly think so!
See, I'm normal looking, but my husband thinks I'm quite hot.
**Oh, it was so hard to hit that PUBLISH button.
3 comments:
Amber, I think you are beautiful~ not just on the outside but inside as well. I am so glad I met you and even more so that you have shared this with me. I have to say I agree completely with your statement about the myths. And sadly some of the people I have known in my life that struggle with the same issues have allowed it to control them and feel others around them need to just deal with it, leaving torn relationships and cause for distrust. I think it is wonderful and exciting to know someone who sees it from the other perspective and is actively taking charge of herself and allowing yourself to share with others your journey. You are someone I feel I CAN trust verses those others I mentioned I could not because they would not take charge of their own life. Unfortunately you are right, there will be some (usually about 1/3 of the people out there) who may now take the opportunity to use this as judgement to condemn or disconnect from you. (I guess if you look at it this way, so did Father in Heaven) I pray it won't be so, but know that there will be many that are drawn to you because of your honesty and love & courage. In my opinion it is better that the judgmental people move farther away from you to allow room for more people with a good heart in. I look forward to learning more from you and will share this with others. Thank you for being so brave! The brave ones always help the ones who feel afraid & alone, there is no better cause in my humble opinion!
~Shauna
Thanks, Shauna. You're right about finding more people with a good heart to surround myself with. I needed to be reminded of that. In the coming months I will find out who out of all my friends & even family are diamond quality. I hope that through this blog and in speaking to other people that I will be able to inspire change in those who let their mental illness dictate their quality of life & I also hope to empower them with the necessary tools to fight against their disease.
BEAUTIFUL! So proud of you!
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