I've been "thrown up" on by several people by their negative emotions. I'm upset with myself because I essentially give others "permission" to treat me that way. I am learning and seeking ways to "build my castle" including "signs" that are posted in front of me that say things like,
"No Dumping Allowed...EVER!"
My castle also includes a drawbridge and a moat filled with sharks, piranhas, alligators, crocodiles, and poisonous snakes. This allows me to determine who and what I allow into my inner circle. I want to make sure I surround myself with the right kind of friends and yes, even extended family members. I can't afford to be around family members who are toxic and make me feel depressed after being around them. I do LOVE everyone who I am related to but if it means that I have to hold you at a distance until you are in a healthier place I will. I have a huge need to be around those who are a great support system and help to lift me up. Fighting my depression is hard enough, I don't need others adding to my already heavy burden. I can love others from a distance! (;
This is a blog recording my journey and I think it's necessary sometimes to write about the bad days I sometimes have. The other day I picked my kids up from school and as soon as my oldest, "Lou, Lou," got into the car she turned her back away from me and started sobbing.
She cried all the way home.
I pulled into the garage, turned off the car and then gently touched her arm. She told me, "I don't want to talk about it." I told her okay and then climbed into the back seat and just hugged her while she cried for several more minutes.
My heart hurts when I see her hurt. It's so hard to watch my children struggle with something.
I let her know that she could come to either her dad or me ANYTIME when she felt ready to talk about why she was crying. Later that night she came to me and told me about something that happened to her at school. My Mr. And I both listened, gave advice when she asked, and we are praying for her.
Lou, Lou is also being bullied by some other girls in her class and I see my daughter internalizing and believing what they are saying.
Oh, it really makes me cry.
So my goal this summer is to build her confidence. I will teach her positive and powerful body language that sends a "message" to insecure bullies to "go bug someone else" because I (meaning my daughter) am confident and strong.
We all have bad days. It's what we choose that makes all the difference in the long run.
I choose to learn more about building my castle and I commit to applying what I learn.
I choose to BUILD my children up so they will value themselves for what they are worth.
Our worth is infinite and divine. It's immeasurable because we were bought with a price through the bleeding and suffering of our Elder brother Jesus Christ. He loves us perfectly. He completely understands our pain because of the burden of our sins and sufferings He took upon Himself. We can pray for help.
Sometimes on days like these I offer up one word prayers in my heart that say, "Help." I know my Father in Heaven knows EXACTLY what I mean and how to help me. He answers through thoughtfulness of friends and family or by added strength and faith to push through how I am feeling.
I am never left comfortless.
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| The bleeding heart bush by my front steps. I love this plant, it makes me smile every time I see it. |
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